I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize