i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
