just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Houston, we have a squirter
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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