theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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