If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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