the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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