when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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