tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
