so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
