Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I FOUND THE LEGS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
