Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
