I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
