is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
