he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
