I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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