Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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