You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
