i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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