come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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