What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
