Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
