I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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