I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
