My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
