Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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