I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
