i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
