therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
