Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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