i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
