i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
