Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
