Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
