those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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