pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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