he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
