your parents love me but you hate me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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