She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
