quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
