handjob tips. give me some.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
