We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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