obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
