I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
