she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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