the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
