so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
