she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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