You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i have two assholes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
