Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
