Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
