Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
