1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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