the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
