omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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