This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
