Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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