It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
