I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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