Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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