I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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