On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
