No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
