Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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