Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
