Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
