The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
