guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
