I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
