His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
