So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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