You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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