I seem to have left my pride at pride
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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