...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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