apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize