Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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