I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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