Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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