another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
